22.3.11 I don't give a damn.

Not the smile that I once owned.

Unappreciative? Uh-uh. I think I deserve more. Things change, feeling towards something changes too. And I've changed. How 'bout you? Realizing that I've changed from a friendly lil' girl to a mysterious/secretive/anti-social lady, weak to strong, naive to sensible etc. What changed the biggest was me, from the thinking of that being a princess is the best thing that could happen, to having the mindset that I wanna be a queen. Because with me, it's all or nothing. It's not that I gave up. I'll never give up. Setting my expectations & everything else one step a lot of steps higher. It's a good thing or is it bad?

20.3.11 Strength.

Today's the last day of our march holiday so I plan to stay at home and rest my legs. I don't have the mood to blog now. I wonder who is actually reading this. Ok, let's rewind to yesterday.

Caught evening movie titled Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son at tampines mall with mom and aunt. I'll rate it 3/5 for the humor.

Caught midnight movie titled World Invasion: Battle Los Angeles at iluma with Jq. I'll rate it 3.5/5 for the storyline.

Because I'm the type who enjoy movie like fighting, action, adventure. So I'm more interested and have more understanding to movie like Inception, 2012, and World Invasion: Battle Los Angeles. Homed at 4am in the morning yesterday, and that explains why I plan to stay at home today.

17.3.11 Not here anymore.

Listening to songs I used to listen during primary school time and wishing that I could go back to where I came from, where I've just set off, where I've started to change. Losers say impossible while I say it's possible but hard. But is it even possible? When everyone around me are already blaming for my existence. Who are already not happy with who I am. Who look down on me like there's something in them that makes them better. Well I call that bullshit. Judging me in terms of looks. My appearance, my style, my face, my attitude, even my terrible crooked teeth. I wonder.. does that make you cooler? Hmmmmm. Because I am happy with how my crooked teeth makes me different from others. So you got a problem there or something? Yeah, actually you don't have to bad mouth behind my back. I've said this once, I've said this twice, and now I'm saying it for the third time, "not happy, come to me". Tell me personally because I respect your judgement. Or maybe a slap from me to you will let you come to senses that this is reality and reality is cruel. No one, neither me nor you have the time to stop and rant about how bad life is. Because the truth is that out of 10 people, only 1 person care and the other 9 are just curious. Give, and don't expect to take in anything, this is what life is about.

There's people who care, but why do I still feel so.. lonely?

15.3.11 I made this happen.

I want to pour all my sorrows out in this one post. But it's never enough. So let's just save it. Been slacking and running to crossfire these days. Not what I wanted though. Maybe to town again this friday. :)

Boy: I broke up with her.

His Best Friend: What happened?

Boy: She’s just too much for me.

His Best Friend: What makes you say that? What did she do wrong?

Boy: Well, for one.. She only cared about her appearance. Always had to look good, always took forever to get dressed! So insecure..

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she wanted to keep your eyes locked on her? She wanted you to see that you have the prettiest girl under your sleeve and not think otherwise? I see..

Boy: Oh.. Well.. She’d often call me or text me asking where I am, who I’m with, telling me not to smoke, not to drink. She’s so clingy!

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she cares about your well being? Because she cares about you a lot? And her greatest fear is losing you. I see..

Boy: But.. Uhh.. Well, she’d always cry when I say something slightly mean. She can’t handle anything. She’s a crybaby!

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she has feelings? And because she just wanted to hear you say you love her? I see..

Boy: I.. Well! You know, she’d get jealous easily. I could barely talk to other girls! She’s so annoying! I had to hide it from her so she wouldn’t bitch about it.

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she just wanted you to commit to her? She thought you were faithful, but you lied so she could find out later and hurt even more? She just wanted the guy she loves the most to love only her. I see..

Boy: Well, she..

His Best Friend: You broke up with her because she’s good for you? She just wanted the best for you? She’s broken now because you were selfish. Are you proud?

Boy: I broke her heart.. Because I couldn’t see what was happening.. What happened to me?

His Best Friend: You lost the girl that loved you like no one else could. You see? You didn’t want her when all she ever wanted was you. THAT’S what happened...