Now that the journey of CNOS3 is over, I want to talk about the end because it ended better than I expected. Everybody knows that I have difficulties talking to strangers, I like to meet new people but I hate when we're stuck in between almost friends but still only acquaintances so I don't like making new friends. I'll never know how to come about it, what kind of talking style that person is okay with and what will offend them.
The contestants I still talk to are the ones who made me feel welcome, which is the only thing I really needed at some point throughout the competition and I'm super thankful. I didn't talk to everyone because there's always something at the back of my head telling me that I might come off as annoying or extra; the anxiety is still there but it has definitely gotten better.
01. Expression
I learnt to smile more, I learnt to express positive energy more. Almost 80% of my expression of emotions goes to anger and 10% to fear/worries. Can you imagine I only have 10% left of expression to positive emotions before joining on this journey?
02. Confidence
This is one of hardest thing to earn (for me) but once you do something big, you'd realize that it's actually not that bad. I don't have stage fright for some reason but knowing that I'm the first on the list to walk the small red carpet stressed me quite a bit because of the same only reason - fear of leaving a bad impression; but thank you so so so much to that few/half (I have no idea) contestants who cheered me on when it all began!
03. Tolerance
I'm not as grumpy as I used to be years ago but little things still piss me off like it's the the end of world although I'll probably be okay within a day. But now even better, all I have to do is rant about it and I'll get over it in no time.
The main few people I have to thank will be the cliché, family, friends and boyfriend.
My mom asked me to just go for it. She's always open to me wanting to get a taste of new things (gaining experience) as long as they are not physically dangerous or has bad reputation, such as the adult industry. Throughout the whole competition she kept wanting to get an update because obviously, it's a competition so I'd love to talk/share/rant about the tiniest thing. Especially when I rant, she'll go with it with a calm attitude because she knows I'll feel better if somebody is on the same boat as me which always helps a whole bunch.
Kife & I have been friends for years and every time when it comes to contest or competition he'll always make sure I know that somebody is supporting and cheering for me even when nobody in the audience do. An old friend also came down even though he was rushing to somewhere just because I said I was super pissed and he knew I needed to rant. My childhood friend also gave me a huge spirit of support even when he had no clue of what this competition is about. That's what real friends do, they let you in to their lives, be happy for you when you're happy, be mad for you when you're mad and make sure you know they're listening to you when you have to rant. I couldn't ask for better friends.
My boyfriend has been my rock, a really big and shiny one. I think his job was the hardest at the end of this competition. You know, other than cheering for me, making sure I know he got my back, I still see that genuine "I'm so proud of you" smile on his face when I won something, it was so precious. Not only did he offer to carry EVERYTHING for me, I wanted to walk around town despite my heels already killing me from walking so much but because we haven't been there together in awhile and I missed that, the only thing he was worried about is my legs, not the weight of things he has to carry and when I want to help he tells me it's okay.
The amount of sincerity and love I've received from the people I care will be something that I will hold dear to me for the rest of my life. Thank you all so much.
It ended so quickly but it felt like forever when you're in it because it was so tiring, even for people who are having holidays! Can't comprehend with those with school or work. I left this competition with life lessons, did you learn anything through this journey with me?
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