Yet another night filled with thoughts. I chose to blog about this than making a video about how I'm feeling because I try to keep the amount of negativity on my channel as low as I can. Especially when my channel is all about moving on to becoming a better person. I thought somebody could relate so.. hi.
My mood doesn't swing. It swings with people. I'm a deep feeler. I feel a lot. Feeling too much makes me think too much. Thinking too much makes me feel a lot more. Feeling so much makes me think a lot. You know how it goes.
I want to take a break from the internet and people around, go for a short getaway trip or something, make people miss me; but I'm not sure if anyone will. I want to tell people how important they are to me and would love to hear the same; but I can't tell if they are just saying what I want to hear or they actually mean it. I want people to love or miss me more than I do; but I don't know if they even love or miss me. I want to mean something in someone's life hearing about how special I am to them, so special that I don't even know; but do they even like me?
I prioritise people. Obviously I care about how I feel and such because I want to feel good but I tend to get too attached/care too much. I feel like.. when they say it's okay it actually means yes, I hope you feel better soon because you're my friend and I want to see you happy but then again, I hope you feel better so that you can shut up about that.
I'm insecure af. No I'm not. I don't even know now. How about you tell me?
Black Veil Brides and ice cream are the best help so if I'm not replying your text without a good reason, I could be crying but I'll be fine in no time. Not crazy, not depressed, just overwhelmed. Taking a breather by myself, that's the way I heal. I don't like to throw my emotional f*ck-pie on people who cares because I need them to save that concern for when I'm at my lowest. In case people I know personally reads this, you caring means the whole damn world to me.
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