7.11.11 Clearing things up.

It's not that I'm lazy to blog. But it's that when I want to blog something, I always got distracted by something else like just now 4 in the morning... 

I went back to my formspring to take a look and realized how fucked up my attitude was back then and I wanted to update some answers there. 

So first, I deeply apologize for being so not appreciative last time. 

I still find this super interesting. So I decided to reply to it again. XD

I admit that my attitude is seriously fucked last time but it honestly has got nothing to do with why he is always complaining about me because I'm sure that I've treated him well enough that people around me should know. I didn't think again whether if being with him is the right choice until... he mind that I'm too short because he said that his friends say he's like a father bringing a daughter out, he says that I'm childish and have a super bad attitude. He got jealous when I normal talk with guy friends and so I stopped. But he talked to his female friend when he promised me that he won't. I mean, I don't mind him talking to his female friends but why promise me that he won't when he can't even do it? I gave up my god damn B2ST fan-signing for him. And B2ST fan-sign session was actually the first time I'm seeing somebody famous. But just because he ask me out on the same date. I felt bad for being a "burden" to him so I gave up my B2ST fan-signing and went. During his birthday, I'm happy that he spent his special day with only me and our moms, so I wanted to give him the best and so I don't know exactly what I do to spend so much but I spent hundred over dollars on him that day. It doesn't matter if I know who that person who posted that was or not, because by insulting me like that won't bring you anywhere good. After breaking up, he is still not happy, he somehow "scolded" me on his facebook bringing his friends to side him. Some people said something that I agree a lot, they say "break already then just get over it" thumbs up. I'm a topic for his facebook wall for days. And finally, he got over it and deleted me. He then added me again and then delete again. Deleted and added twice. What's that for? And way back when we just got together,  some girls said I snatch him from them. But honestly, if you think us falling for each other that time is snatching, then I'm sorry. Also, I truly hope there isn't anymore conflicts between us. I'm sorry if me being honest offended you or something.

My purpose for replying that shit again is not because I still can't get over it or I'm finding trouble. My mom must be thinking "Why must you add oil to the fire? Just ignore. People have their own eyes to see who's right and wrong" when she sees this. I don't have the time to wait till people to actually see that I mean well for doing what I'm doing. I can't ignore when people call me cheap, a whore and insulting how I look. I can say I don't care what people think about me and now people must be thinking "You say you don't care, then why talk about it?". So the real purpose is to finally clear my name after so many hate comments I got over the years. I hate it when people don't respect me for being different. Especially the hates I got from YouTube. Those comments about my crooked teeth, me wearing too much makeup, my skinny body, my boring-ness, and my stupid-ness won't make you any better. And you (haters) really got to understand that. Please, quit hating being an anonymous and bring yourself out to the internet with your proper beautiful face and real identity. I sincerely hope you won't end up being a murderer for hating. I can forgive but I will never forget. Pride and principle is what's most important. And if I can't get to anywhere far with my pride and principle then I'm going to willingly accept it because that's the road I choose. And my parents got to accept it too and not to worry about me because I obviously know what I'm doing although they might think that I'm still too small. Or maybe they think I'm rebel. Hell no. I want to "spoil" my hair because I know how to keep it healthy even after million times of dyeing, I wear "so much" makeup because I am different. Simple as that and I hope my dad sees that previous sentence. Moreover, I believe I'm a better person now because my dad didn't come to me and complain about how stubborn I am anymore. The MichelleAKJ now is never once classified as someone who doesn't know how to appreciate and someone who doesn't know what's best for myself. People say our parents know what's best for us, I say that's bullshit. They care doesn't mean they know. We are who we chose to be. We are we. They are they. We know ourselves best. Who would want to choose to walk to the wrong path to make themselves a failure? Give everyone another chance, and if they don't TRY to change, let them die. Because everyone will get what they deserve at the end of the road.

P/S: I seriously just want to help to see everyone with a smile. By cheering them up, listening to their troubles, giving them advices, encouraging them to do something. Even if the person whom I hate most mail me telling me his/her troubles, I'd still listen and keep it to myself. When it comes to seeing people with a smile everyday, I am totally fair because I understand how it hurts to be (fill in the blanks) more than anyone else.