24.11.11 Loved

  WHOEVER WHO SAW THIS POST SHOULD READ THIS.  

  EVEN IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME, JUST READ.  

Many things are running around in my mind so I decided to blog. I may know some of the people who will visit my blog, but who will actually read the whole post? I don't know. I don't know where my other readers are from. I don't know how they are like. But for some reason, I care for each and everyone of you.

I want to reach out to people who needs advice or encouragement. Even if this post helped only one person, I'm happy. People must understand that there's no need to envy people with love, family, career, money, education, talents and shit, because they must know that, even though those people they envy have all those things but if they're not happy, what's the point? Perfect life doesn't mean happy life. Everyone of us had this very moment where we think it's the end, where we think everything sucks, where we think everyone hate us. That's because we chose to believe that it is really that bad when it's actually not.

The famous inspiring quote saying smile because you can, smile when you still have teeth is bullshit. Because that means that if I lost the ability to move my mouth = I can't smile and when I get old and all my teeth dropped, all my teeth are decayed and disgusting. Does that mean that I have to stop smiling? I can't feel happy anymore? Do people even think about those people who can't smile even if they tried? Smile only because you want to, don't smile just because you can. I'm talking about smiling in your heart. Everyone can do that.

The most common problem I see people having is about relationships. There's no such bullshit as "more than friends but less than lovers" because if you are stuck there, it means that it's best to stay as just friends. Even if the reason why you are stuck is the reason no one can do anything about it, if it's meant to be, it is meant to be. If someone dump you, ask them why and work on that reason but meanwhile, you have to get the fuck over that relationship because it is not coming back. Time doesn't stop for anyone. Life goes on, shit happens all the time. See things a positive way, and then you'll be contented with what you currently have.

Just ask yourself why.

Do you know why? If you don't, read on. I asked myself a lot whys and now I'll list out some:

Why am I the most useless one?
Why is my teeth so different from others?
Why do I always cry over the smallest thing like when people ignore me?
Why am I even brought to this world?
Why?

All sums up to one answer no matter what your whys are, because you are here for a good reason.
Hear about my story and understand.

When I'm born, my dad and his parents don't even want to have a glance at me because I'm a girl, I don't have a dick. The whole family I'm living with, only my mom and uncle love me. My toys are bought by the both of them and of course my mom's parents who would catch bullet for me. None of it was from my dad. 

I became a toddler, I am weak, I get sick too easily, I was rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night almost at least once a week. My dad said I'm made of paper, he say I am useless. But he didn't know how it feels, as a small kid, fighting with so many needles that got poked into my skin every time I enter the hospital. I cry everyday when I go to school during kindergarden because I can't see my mom, I don't feel secure, I don't have friends, I remembered how I cry and pulled my mom when my kindergarden teacher carried me so I can get in the class. I meet new people, they are the BEST people I've met in life.

Elementary (primary 1), I have a clique where we talk about everything. I once fell down in the sand during recess, the "leader" of the clique gave me support to get up, keep on asking me if I'm alright. Ashley, Shi Hui, Wei Xiong and Qi Fang is the new kid who joined us. I don't know where they are but I want to know how they're doing. We lost contact because I left Ang Mo Kio Primary School. When they heard me saying I'm leaving, they thought I'm joking so they asked my mom after we end school, my mom replied "yes we're leaving ☹" they cried. We all cried. So badly I can't even forget. Those are my real friends. The only real friends.

2nd grade - sixth grade in Bedok Green Primary School, I have no friends. I cried on my first day of school. My adult teeth starts to grow out before my baby teeth starts shaking, that explains my crooked teeth, and that's when my life became like a road of complete hell. Got teased for my name and my teeth. Got bullied physically. She say nasty things to me right in my face saying I only know how to cry, saying about my teeth. My first "boyfriend" played me. He knew I have feelings for him, he said we could try but I'm not allowed to tell anyone, we texted and soon after, he told his aunt that I harass him. His aunt told my mom's friends whose sons are in EM1. You thought I already forgot what happened, didn't you, Jun Kai? I don't want to go school. I had suicidal thoughts. I don't want to tell my mom. I suffered through.

I'm finally out of there, I got into high school. Problems came. People coming against me saying they want to slap me and all the "gangsters" stuff. More bullies. I don't want to study. I don't want to go out because I'm scared. I skipped a lot of lessons because of that shit. I tried to become one of those losers (female gangsters) so I will be respected, that is how Singapore is like in those days, if you're not fierce, people will beat you. You can say you're a gangster in a playing manner, just please don't really become one. It wouldn't benefit anyone. Really.

9th grade, I start to realize how beautiful the world can be. 10th grade, I pin my heart down to help as many people as I can.

Till now, I believe I'm born to help people with low self-esteem. I want to help because I understand. I can put myself in your shoes to understand how you feel. So just remember that I will be here for you when nobody else will listen. You are loved, at least by me.

I don't care how your past is like, how your family background is, or how rich you are, I want YOU to be happy.

Always here,
MAKJPersonal@live.com
http://facebook.com/MichelleAndrewNicole

Oh by the way my family is all good now. ^^
Everything will eventually gets better. That's what I believe. Everyone should too.

Read and spread. Encourage people to keep going.